So the last two days I have found myself not able to function at my normal level. Pain, fatigue and thought patterns have made the rhythm of doing and rest challenging. My thoughts go from it’s good to rest to but what about… What about the book you have started, the fact you penciled these days in to write, the missions you are organising, those waiting for something from you and then the words God has given, not to mention the business and consultancy. And in all this I am acutely aware of one thing, my own limitations. My own inability to do much about anything. The opportunity to reconcile with the present moment costs me a vulnerability to acknowledge my own frailty and a willingness to sit (not alone) in the uncomfortable place of what I am experiencing and what I believe being feel far apart.
I know what God has called me to, I know what He has gifted me with. I have seen His favour in doors I never imagine opening for me in the last year. I know He heals and gives supernatural grace, strength and peace. I have seen the faithful answers to promises God has given me. The one thing I am seeing today though is what do we do with those promises? How do we really steward them? If you are anything like me I think I feel I have a responsibility and I look back on the last months and I can see my thought pattern is, let me just get through this, let me just do this and then I will… This is the language of performance and the language of the world but it is not the language of the Kingdom. I see now like never before that when we have contended for a breakthrough and received a promise we can then do everything to hold onto it. It’s not mine to hold and keep, it’s mine to give. And I am reminded again that a key principle in the Kingdom is giving. What I have received I now have to give. It’s in the yielding that we receive afresh and we begin to see again.
As I am lying on the couch in the process of stewarding promise this is my opportunity to surrender and trust. My opportunity to walk in the rhythm of today. To tire the enemy not by my prayers but by my surrender and trust. To remain abiding even in the moments that don’t make sense. To bless my body, my speed, my ability but greater than that to trust that He who began this work in me is faithful to complete it. I want every promise I have received to be given, back to Him in my thanks and given to the world around me. This at the end of the day is all I have to give and the way there? Is through a life surrendered in trust.
I believe God is looking for sons and daughters who are given. Who He can trust to give His breakthrough to that won’t hold it but use it to bless the world around them.